What are some things that hold people back from being successful? originally appeared on Quora - the knowledge sharing network where compelling questions are answered by people with unique insights.
Answer by Rebecca Massey, who quit a 'safe, reliable' full-time job to be a writer, on Quora:
When I quit full-time work to spend more time writing, the number one thing people told me was "That's awesome!" The number two thing -- and it was a very close second: "I could never do something like that," and its common variant, "I want to do something like that, but..."
Not very long ago--less than two years ago--I never could have done something like this, either. What changed? What made the difference?
The problem isn't money, or know-how, or knowledge, and for most people, it also isn't time. The problem is fear.
Fear that you'll fail. Fear that everyone will think you're stupid or crazy. Fear of the difficulty and suffering that may or will come along the way. Fear that what you do won't mean anything or have any value to anyone. Fear that you're not good enough, that what you'll do is in fact not even worth your own time. Fear that it's too late and you're too far behind to even start. Fear that no matter how hard you try, it will all have been for nothing.
That's what's keeping you still. That's what's holding you back. It's because you're afraid.
THIS IS NORMAL. Everyone has these fears. Everyone. Think of all the most fearless go-getters you know. They're scared too.
The difference is that at some point, these fearless go-getters decided they were going to do something about the fear, and then they did it--whatever they needed to do to live with the fear, to move through it, and to take action anyway.
It's easy to get caught up in thinking that you have a million things to do before you can even start. This is wrong. Flat out wrong. Dead wrong. You don't have a million things to do. You have one: Face your fear, and figure out how you're dealing with it.
"Yeah, okay, great," you're thinking. "HOW do I face the fear?"
Challenge accepted. Let's work through the list from above. It is by no means complete or comprehensive for all possible fears of all people, but I think at least one of them applies to everyone (self included).
- Fear that you'll fail. You might fail. It's true. You could do 100% of everything perfectly right and there's still no guarantee that you will succeed. There are usually two assumptions that feed into the fear of failure. One is the idea that failure is automatically a fault. The fault isn't in the failure itself--it's in not trying to succeed or improve. The assumption is that people tend to think about success and failure in all-or-nothing, hyper-idealized-or-catastrophic terms. Neither success or failure things are going to happen. It may be the case that you're middling and muddling for a while, not really succeeding or failing. But if you're happier doing that than doing what you're doing now, and if good new things (any good new things, not just money) come into your life along the way, how on earth could it be "failing?"
- Fear that everyone will think you're stupid or crazy. Some people WILL think you're stupid or crazy--even if you're a wild success--and it will hurt. There's no avoiding it. However, you WILL ALSO be stunned at how many people already think that you're smart and awesome and that what you want to do is totally great and that you should do it right now.
- Fear of the difficulty and suffering that may or will come along the way. Let me tell you, now this: Are you not already experiencing hardship by ignoring what you really want to be doing, waking up each day knowing that you won't be doing that thing today, talking yourself out of it whenever you feel your mind or heart calling?
- Fear that what you do won't mean anything or have any value to anyone. The funny thing about meaning and value to others is that it really isn't your call--it's up to other people. You cannot force what you do to be meaningful to others (not even charity work); all you can do is try your best to connect your work to the people who are most likely to find it meaningful, and let them feel what they will about it. The flip side? If it's meaningful and fulfilling to YOU, it is almost impossible that it will not be valuable to anyone else, if for no other reason than that happiness is infectious--when people see it, they want it, and they're attracted to it.
- Fear that you're not good enough, that what you'll do is in fact not even worth your own time. All of us doubt that we're good enough and that what we're doing is good enough. The little doubting voice never goes away. But everything you do is a step toward the next thing you're going to do. Even if the first twenty thousand steps land in mud, keep your head about you and keep walking toward the good places and you will get there. That other people got there faster, or are already there, doesn't mean you can't or won't.
- Fear that it's too late and you're too far behind to even start. It's never too late to have a happy ending. And there isn't a cap on the number of happy endings to go around.
- Fear that no matter how hard you try, it will all have been for nothing. If you actually do try, this is genuinely impossible. Your new endeavor may crash, burn, and explode, but you'll be in a new place in your life, with new things to build forward from, and new people to help you do it.
Once again, this article isn't about having the solution to all possible problems. But there is one problem that's really holding you back: Fear.
Move through the fear, and you will be shocked--in a good way--at all the good things that happen next.
I promise.
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