The First Love Language at Work

From Dr Gary Chapman's best selling book "The Five Love Languages", many people tried to apply this relationship love concept in the workplace.  While many have met with success, some have found the ideas too complex to transfer them to the workplace effectively.  At Asia Trainers, we have, since 2006 in management and leadership courses, applied such concepts successfully.   

Chapman's 5 Love Languages are as follows:

1. Words of Affirmation
2. Quality Time
3. Acts of Service
4. Gifts 
5. Touch

Chapman's book claims that this list of five love languages is exhaustive but we should not use the love languages that they like the most but rather the love languages that their loved ones can receive.  So in the workplace, which love language you use would depend on who you are dealing with.  Today I shall only talk about the first love language: Words of Affirmation.  Come back to our blog at www.andyngtrainer.blogspot.sg for the remaining 5 love languages. 

Power of Words of Affirmation

Mark Twain claimed that he could live for 2 months on a good compliment.  If we take Twain literally, 6 compliments a year or once every 2 months would be the level to start with. Words of Affirmation include compliments, acknowledgements, validation and appreciation.  

Since words of affirmation is a language, its dialect is Encouraging Words.  The word 'encourage' means 'to inspire courage'.  Because people in the workplace have areas in which we feel insecure, this lack of courage often hinders us from accomplishing the results that the company has assigned us to.  Like a salesperson may lack technical knowledge, so he feels insecure if he were being challenged by a customer.  If instead of criticising him, we encourage him to do more, such encouragement will expose his level of potential in sales. 

As we know, many people have more potential than we will ever develop.  What holds us back is often a lack of courage, not abilities.

Another dialect of Words of Affirmation is Kind Words.  Kind words is not just the words we say, but also the way we say them.  Humble Words is another dialect.  The way your boss expresses his instructions convey either love or hate.  If he gives you guidance, like 'Could you make that good for the customer's urgent order?', you feel affirmed. But if he gives you ultimatums like "Could we ever have customer's urgent order met?", it is not love. 

Notice that when you make a request of your staff, you are affirming his abilities and attitudes.  You are indicating that he can do more than what he is doing now.  But when you make demands, you take away the affirmation and belittle your staff. 

You can also give indirect words of affirmation, that is, saying positive things about your colleague when he is not present. Eventually someone will tell your colleague about this, and he will feel happier than you were to praise him directly.  Other than that, you can also affirm him in front of others when he is not present. 

Finally, you can speak words of affirmation by listing the good things about your staff.  

In short, love languages make people feel empowered, motivated and raise their morale.  Here's a list of exercises for you to do.  For the next one week, do these 5 things:

1. Keep a written record of all the words of affirmation that you give your colleagues each day
2. Set a goal to give your colleague a different compliment each for one month.  If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, a compliment a day will keep the counsellor away. 
3. As you watch your staff perform their work, catch them doing things right and praise them unexpectedly
4. Write an appreciation letter, whatsapp message, SMS, email or note to your staff and give or send it quietly or without fanfare. Written words have the power to appear after many years of writing.  
5. Compliment your staff in front of your boss, his friends and outsiders.  

By Andy Ng of Asia Trainers, list of courses at here. Related articles:

• Love them or lose them
• The 4 types of love to give to customers
• Plant seeds of love in your office in 7 ways
• Make money out of love in the office
• Say yes to love without getting into trouble in the office
• 7 ways to use love in the office
• The best communication that cost nothing: love