The Second Love Language at Work

Following yesterday's blog on 'The First Love Language at Work', here are the other 4 Love Languages per Dr Gary Chapman that we use in our management training:

1. Words of Affirmation
2. Quality Time
3. Acts of Service
4. Gifts 
5. Touch

Today we shall dwell on Quality Time

Quality time is simply giving someone your undivided attention. It is a very obvious expression of love and no one in this world dislikes it. Quality time need not be quantity time, and Ken Blanchand said in the "One Minute Manager" book, all it takes is an EXTRA MINUTE of your time and that's quality time. When your staff talks to you, do you listen with your computer screen on?

Focused Attention is another aspect of Quality Time. It is not we have to spend our time together moments gazing into each other's eyes. It means we are doing something together and that we are giving our full attention to each other. Incidentally, the activity that we do is not important. What's important is the feeling of comradeship or teamwork.

The dialect of the language of Quality Time is Quality Conversation, that is sympathetic dialogue where people share their experiences, thoughts and feelings in a friendly, non-judgemental context. It is difficult for a manager to not judge every time the staff told him his problem. What the manager may not realize that if your staff tells you his problem, it means that he trusts you to not use his weakness against him, like give him a poor performance evaluation later on.

In short, Quality Conversion is focused on Hearing whereas Words of Affirmation (the first love language) is about Saying.

Here's what you can do to give Quality Time to your staff:

1. Maintain good eye contact throughout the whole conversation
2. Never interrupt, not even offer drinks or go the bath room
3. Listen for Feelings. What emotion is my staff experiencing now? Confirm it by asking questions like, "It sounds to me that you are feeling disappointed because I did not give you ___" 
4. Observe body language. Clenched fists, fidgeting hands, furrowed brows and uneasy eye movements are hints that the staff is tense and needs help
5. Don't do anything else while listening, especially looking at your watch indicates your impatience
6. Watch out for Self-revelation. Many people in the workplace are trained not to express their honest thoughts and feelings and to behave professionally and put on a poker face. When you find your staff showing emotions that you seldom see, that's a true revelation and not an act
7. At the beginning of the day, show concern to your staff by asking them questions outside of work. It can be as mundane as "How's the traffic jam this morning?" Be careful not to ask a question about work immediately after this show of concern for the staff will interpret your act of concern as fake
8. At the end of the day, show your appreciation by saying, "Thanks for your contributions today, see you tomorrow!"
9. Organize team-building games and activities that bond people

At the end of the day, our job as a manager is not to add years to peoples' lives but to add life to peoples' years. Giving people Quality Time is definitely an expression of true love. This investment will yield you dividends for years to come, for you will have a highly committed and cohesive team. Isn't this the utopia that all managers dream of?

By Andy Ng, related articles on management are:

• From Aggressive to Assertive with 3 Ts: Teach, Tailor and Take Control
• How to make work a reward, not as a way to reward
• Productivity From the Inside: the 36 Stratagems revealed
• Don't make these mistakes in management
• Not easy being a manager but it's worth it
• Train your people with high impact by doing these 5 things