Say Yes to Love in the Office Without Getting Into Trouble

Everyone talks about the importance of love, but most people mistakenly equate love to personal affection, i.e. the kind of love when people are in a relationship of love or romance. We know that true love is one that is more than that. Love is defined as a Strong Positive Emotion that's Warm, Uplifting, Endearing and Inspiring. Love is unconditional and non possessive. Love knows no boundaries, language, race or religion. Love of course is a verb and not a noun.

Ultimately you must feel love in order to understand love. To do that, you need to be connected to people.

There are 4 types of love that we teach in our courses: Loving-kindness, Compassion, Appreciative Joy and Equanimity.

1. Loving-kindness
This is the most sincere type of love, the tenderness and consideration towards others. Its opposite is Anger.

However, many people mistaken Loving-kindness to be Affection. You express loving kindness when you are kind to others in your words, action and thoughts. You are kind, not harsh. In the office, you can express loving kindness in the following 10 ways: Courteous to colleagues, Help out, Be gentle, Be Considerate, Listening, Offer Suggestions, Kind, Loving, Responsive, and most importantly, Be Present.

2. Compassion

Compassion is the humane quality of understanding the suffering of others and wanting to do something about it. It is a deep awareness of and sympathy for another's suffering. Many called it Empathy. It's opposite is Cruelty.

Many people mistaken compassion to be passionate grief or sharing grief, which are not love but sorrow. You express compassion in the office in these 10 ways: Being Merciful, Forgiving, Lenient, Forbearance, Charitable, Pitiful, Humane, Tender hearted, Easy going, and most importantly, Sympathetic.

3. Appreciative Joy
The opposite of Jealousy and Envy, Appreciative Joy is the wholesome attitude of rejoicing in the happiness of others. Happy with the happiness of others. Like when you see your neighbour strikes lottery, you rejoice in his happiness without feeling attached or envious.

Many people mistaken Appreciative Joy to be Exhilaration, which is a feeling of too much lively and cheerful joy.

In the office, you can express Appreciative Joy in 10 ways by giving people Praises, Validation, and by Being Happy, Upbeat, Positive, Encouraging, Congratulatory, Admiration, Cheerful and most importantly be Joyous.

4. Equanimity
The opposite of Equanimity is Restlessness. Equanimity is the Steadiness of mind, having an equal mind, and a high state of psychological stability and composure which is undisturbed by emotions or experience. Equanimity is the absence of clinging and aversion. It is the attitude of regarding everyone as equals, irrespective of their present relationship to oneself. Give people space.

For example, I express equanimity when I remain impartial to disputes between two factions and showing fairness to all staff. Many people mistaken equanimity to be callousness, which is an extreme form of calmness that becomes detached or indifferent.

Equanimity can be experienced in common forms in daily life. When a grown-up son settles down with his own family, he begins to lead an independent life. Although his mother still has her feelings of loving-kindness, compassion and appreciative joy towards him, they are now combined with a new feeling of equanimity. She recognises his new independent and responsible position in life and does not cling to him. In short, you give people space.

In the office, you express equanimity in the following 10 ways: by being Impartial, Tolerance, Placid, Tranquil, Sober, Patience, Cool, Calm, Composed and most importantly, Even Temper.

By Andy Ng, whose newest management course "Love Them of Lose Them" is now available as a public seminar. For details of our courses, click here. Related articles:

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