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30 Nov 2013

Making Problems Out of No Problems in 5 Ways

I had a good conversation with my friend that day who complained to me how many problems he has: family, business, work, finance and health.  I told him that actually he has no problems because all his problems are created by himself.  At first he wanted to throttle me, but later when I explained to him calmly, his mind started to open up.

At the end of our conversation he was so elated and thanked me profusely.  I promised him that I would stand by him no matter what happened.  He asked me to share what I taught him, that's why I created this post on my blog.

People make problems out of no problems in 5 ways: Craving, Possession, Clinging, Closing of Options and Never Negotiate.

Craving is the Beginning of Problems   

People craved for things, which is not the same as desire or wanting.  It's okay to want or desire things, but when you crave for things you become so hard up that you become irrational.  You just want to have things because that's what you want.

But if you pause and think further you'll realize that such craving actually serves no happiness at all because the process of getting it is so miserable that it negates any happiness that you may derive from having it subsequently.  In short, craving leads to more miserableness than happiness!

Possession 

Yes, humans like to possess things as it gives us some comfort feeling.  Like it's good to own that newest smartphone, and we like to extend such possession wanting to even non material things like friendship, love and family.

When people lose what they used to possess previously, they become very unhappy.  Some even do silly things like self-sabotage.

If you were to look further you'll realize that nothing in this world is permanent, not even the suns and the planets in the galaxies.  Since everything is in a flux and nothing is permanent, if you want to possess them, you're hitting your head against the wall.  

The solution lies in having clear understanding that it is alright to possess things as long as we do not become slaves to the idea of possession.  Otherwise we become 'possessed' by possession!

Clinging

Related to craving and possession is clinging.  People cling on to things and since nothing is permanent, such clinging only leads on to problems and nothing else.

Closing of Options

People like to close off their minds to options the moment they receive an objection or rejection.  For example, if you asked for a salary raise from your boss and your boss declined you, most people will take it as a closed case and they wouldn't dare to raise that subject again in future.

As we know, nothing is permanent and so too is rejection.  Today's rejection can become tomorrow's welcome.  Walt Disney went to 40 banks to ask for financing to build Disneyland in the 1930s and all rejected him.  Yet Disney did not close the idea and he went back to the drawing board and came up with a new proposal that is more attractive to banks.  The rest is history.

Never Negotiate

Everything is in this world is negotiable, as nothing is permanent and everything is subject to change.  When the conditions are right, things will become easy.  All you need to do is to negotiate to get the right conditions.  For example, if your boss rejects your request for salary increase, you can negotiate for an increase in non-monetary things like going for company-paid training.  This is a win-win way as the training will increase both your skills and your contribution to the company.  In time to come your boss will recognize your achievements and will give you your deserved increment.

By Andy Ng, Chief Trainer Coach at Asia Trainers, details of courses at here.

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