My father, in his 70s, would sit before two television sets, both turned on simultaneously. One would be tuned to Channel 8, the other to Channel U. The clashing soundtracks made it nearly impossible for anyone else to enjoy a program. Yet, there he sat, remote controls gripped firmly in his hands, switching between them with frantic consistency.
We called it the fiercest battle anyone could witness between Singapore’s 2 rival TV stations.
"Just focus on one," we would plead, frustrated by the wall of noise. His reply was always the same: "Something interesting is coming up soon."
We were baffled. How could someone be so inconsiderate? So restless? We saw it as a quirk of old age, or perhaps just stubbornness.
Today, in 2026, I look back with a heavy heart and a much clearer lens. I finally understand what he was after. He wasn't looking for a specific show; he was desperately trying to fill a void.
His final years were so profoundly boring that even the combined output of two television channels could not satisfy his hunger for engagement. But the harder question is: Who made his life so boring?
Back then, I would bring my wife and our three young children to visit my parents perhaps two to four times a month. We would drop by on a Saturday night for about thirty minutes. That was it. In between those brief, fleeting windows, there were no phone calls. No mid-week lunches. No quiet dinners. Just silence.
Now I know why his finger was always on the "channel surf" button. When your real life is static, you keep searching for a signal anywhere else you can find it. He wasn't being inconsiderate; he was being lonely.
In our Love Intelligence (LQ) framework, we look at the "Human Patterns" of those around us. We often mistake a person's coping mechanism for their personality
My father’s restless channel-switching was a pattern of "Seeking Connection" in a house where the phone rarely rang. High LQ requires us to ask: Is this person being difficult, or is this person in pain?
True leadership, and true love, is about providing a presence that is more engaging than a television screen. This Father's Day, I challenge you to be the "interesting program" in your parents' lives so they don't have to go searching for it elsewhere.
This is the second in a series of articles dedicated to honoring my late father and applying the principles of Love Intelligence to the relationships that matter most. Read "The Big Bet on 4Ds" at here https://andyngtrainer.blogspot.com/2026/05/the-secret-under-mattress-why-would-79.html
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