Lazy, Irresponsible and Never Make Enough

The Quiet Pillar: Labels and Legacies

The Man They Called "Irresponsible"

In the busy stalls of Chinatown 1960s to 1983, the image of my father was often painted with the brush of frustration. I can still see him sitting there, using a torn scrap of cardboard from a shoe box to scribble down a customer’s items, totaling them up with a steady hand. Later would we realize that he made a mistake: he undercharged the customer!

To the casual observer, and even to us, his family, he didn't seem to fit the mold of a "successful" businessman. He would often do the unthinkable: he would tell a customer not to buy from us, directing them to a competitor instead if they could find exactly what they wanted there. He never pushed for a sale; he only served and served.

Then there were the business "blunders." During the oil crisis of 1973-74, his lack of aggressive negotiation led to a warehouse full of excess plastic sandals we couldn't sell. He didn't save for the future, preferring to spend his meager means on 4D tickets or drinks with his friends. He didn't sit us down to share values with us or spend his afternoons playing with us.

"Why do you wake up so late?" we would ask. "Why are you reading the newspaper until past midnight? Do you want to be a reporter?" Even when the business needed him, he would disappear to help a fellow hawker navigate a dispute with the government, a task he took on despite being unable to read or write in English.

By common standards, the labels were easy to apply: Lazy. Irresponsible. Not a good provider.

But in 2026, I stop and ask the questions we were too angry to ask back then. Why did he wake up late? Perhaps because he was the one guarding the shop all night while we slept safely. Why didn't he negotiate harder with suppliers? Perhaps because he didn't want to squeeze another person’s livelihood. Why did he help those hawkers? Because his "Love Intelligence" was a language of action, not English.

If my father were truly the "lazy" man the world saw, how could we have what we have today? This series of articles would not exist. My career, my values, and my life are the silent evidence of a foundation he laid in the shadows.

My father was not a "great" man by the world’s metrics. He didn't fit the standard definition of a "good" father.

To me, he was a Good Father. MY GOOD FATHER.

Love Intelligence Reflection

We often judge people by the "Money" and "Success" they generate, but Love Intelligence asks us to judge by the "Values" they embody in silence. My father’s refusal to "hard sell" was a lesson in integrity. His help for others was a lesson in community. His not preaching values to the children is a way for the children to learn from his behaviour.

High LQ is the ability to peel back the labels: lazy, irresponsible, failed, to see the human being underneath. Sometimes, a father’s greatest lesson isn't what he says, but what he survives for you.

This is the fifth in a series of articles dedicated to honoring my late father. Other 4 articles:

1. The 4D Big Punter https://andyngtrainer.blogspot.com/2026/05/the-secret-under-mattress-why-would-79.html

2. Fight between Ch 8 and U https://andyngtrainer.blogspot.com/2026/05/fierce-battle-channel-8-vs-channel-u.html

3. Head Bleeds when Chair falls https://andyngtrainer.blogspot.com/2026/05/head-bleeding-when-chair-falls.html
4. Sleeping with the Rats and Cockroaches https://andyngtrainer.blogspot.com/2026/05/sleeping-with-rats-and-cockroaches.html

The Secret Under the Mattress: Why would a 79-year Man Bet So Big on 4D?

It was 2007 when we discovered his secret. While moving my father’s mattress, we found them: heaps and heaps of Singapore Pools 4D tickets. They were stacked in layers, a paper trail of lost hopes. What shocked us most wasn’t just the volume, but the stakes. He wasn’t betting a few dollars for fun. He was punting hundreds of dollars per draw—nearly ten times a month. At the time, my siblings and I were furious. Our father was a 79-year-old retiree. We wondered, with a mix of anger and confusion, why a man at his stage of life would need to win such "big money." What was he going to do with the money? We saw it as a reckless habit, a sign of poor judgment in his final years. Some of us would say, "If I were to give him money to buy 4D, why don't I use the money and buy 4D myself? At least I have better discipline". It has taken me two decades, and the experience of raising my own three grown-up children, to finally see the truth that was hidden under that matt...

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Head Bleeding when the Chair Falls

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