The Secret Under the Mattress: Why would a 79-year Man Bet So Big on 4D?

It was 2007 when we discovered his secret.

While moving my father’s mattress, we found them: heaps and heaps of Singapore Pools 4D tickets.

They were stacked in layers, a paper trail of lost hopes.

What shocked us most wasn’t just the volume, but the stakes. He wasn’t betting a few dollars for fun. He was punting hundreds of dollars per draw—nearly ten times a month.

At the time, my siblings and I were furious. Our father was a 79-year-old retiree. We wondered, with a mix of anger and confusion, why a man at his stage of life would need to win such "big money." What was he going to do with the money?

We saw it as a reckless habit, a sign of poor judgment in his final years. 
Some of us would say, "If I were to give him money to buy 4D, why don't I use the money and buy 4D myself?  At least I have better discipline". 

It has taken me two decades, and the experience of raising my own three grown-up children, to finally see the truth that was hidden under that mattress.

It wasn't about greed.

It was about financial insecurity.

My father retired in the mid-1990s. From that moment on, his steady income vanished.

As I look back today with painful honesty, I realize that we, his children, never really gave him pocket money.

Between the time I started working in 1988 and his passing in 2008, I only provided for him financially a handful of times.

No meaningful birthday or new year or festive gifts.  Red packets for Chinese New Year? Small amounts.  

That 79-year-old man wasn't chasing a luxury lifestyle. He was chasing a sense of independence that he lacked.

Every 4D ticket was a silent, desperate attempt to have his own means, to not feel like a burden in his own home.

I realize now that I am the one who made him "go big" into 4D. My neglect created the vacuum that he tried to fill with those slips of paper.

Love Intelligence (LQ) Reflection:

In my LQ training and coaching, I talk about the "Human Patterns" that drive our behavior. We often judge the action (the betting) without understanding the emotion (the insecurity).

Love Intelligence is the ability to look past the surface-level "frustration" and see the unmet need.

My father didn't need a winning ticket; he needed to feel secure and respected. 

When we fail to provide emotional and financial dignity to our elders, they look for it elsewhere. 

And they will NOT open their mouths to ask money from their children, because that is something that will destroy whatever little dignity they have.  Imagine if their children asked, "You need the money for what?  What do you want to buy?  Don't waste money buying so much 4D"

This Father's Day, I am choosing to honor his memory by sharing the truth I was once too blind to see.

This is the first in a series of articles dedicated to honoring my late father and applying the principles of Love Intelligence to the relationships that matter most.

Share with me your thoughs, (positve ones), if any.