A question people often ask me is:
“My children seem so far away from me. I’m no longer close to my spouse, my family or even my friends. I feel that I don’t know how to give love anymore. What can I do?”
My answer is: Don't begin by trying to feel more love. Begin by doing one loving thing.
Dear You teaches us this beautifully.
Nobody in the movie gives lectures about love. They simply do love.
- Musheng works long hours and saves whatever he can for his family. He shows us that love can be responsibility.
- Nanzhi writes letters and sends money for 18 years without asking for recognition. She shows us that love can be giving without keeping score.
- Shurou waits, raises her children and continues living. She shows us that love can be faithfulness.
- Xie Laishun does not control his daughter. He gives her the freedom to live her own life. He shows us that sometimes love means letting go.
There is something important here.
They don't keep asking:
“Does this person love me enough?”
They ask through their actions:
“What can I do for this person?”
That is where Love Intelligence (LQ) begins.
Start with the 3Cs
1. Care — Do one small thing.
Don't start with a dramatic conversation about why your children don't call you.
Send them their favourite food.
Ask, “How was your day?”
Remember something important to them.
Listen without immediately giving advice.
Love often returns through very small doors.
2. Courage — Love without demanding an immediate response.
This is harder.
You may reach out and receive only a short reply.
Your child may still seem distant.
Your spouse may not suddenly become affectionate.
Don't immediately conclude, “They don't care.”
It took years for some relationships to become distant. Give them time to become close again.
Have the courage to make the first move—and sometimes the second and third—without keeping score.
3. Connection — Enter their world instead of forcing them into yours.
Ask your children about what they enjoy.
Listen to your spouse's worries rather than immediately solving them.
Call the friend you haven't spoken to for years and simply say, “I thought of you today.”
Connection begins when we become interested again.
You Don't Need to Feel Love Before You Give Love
This may be the biggest lesson.
Many people wait:
“When I feel closer to my child, I'll show more love.”
“When my spouse treats me better, I'll become more loving.”
“When my friend contacts me, I'll contact them.”
But someone has to begin. Why not us?
Care first. Then have the Courage to continue. And gradually rebuild the Connection.
Feelings often follow actions.
That is why I call it Love Intelligence rather than simply love.
Love is a feeling.
Love Intelligence is knowing how to turn that feeling into action.
And Dear You reminds us that the most powerful love is rarely dramatic.
Sometimes it is a letter. A meal. A phone call. Waiting. Forgiving. Showing up.
Or simply saying: “I'm here.”
Don't try to repair your entire family today.
Love one person, in one small way, today.
Then do it again tomorrow.
That is how distance slowly becomes connection.
That is how relationships come home.
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